By Thuso Masikhwa | Contributor, Africa

SOUTH AFRICA (Heartmenders Magazine) – Why is it so difficult for women these days to admit that a woman’s place is in the home? That we cannot possibly have it all, for that would indeed be like having our cake and eating it.

I am convinced that every child needs at least one parent at home, and in most cases, the best parent for that job is the mother.

Children who have their mothers at home truly do soar. They tend to do better at school and are more balanced (I will have to research this at some point, but it has been my very keen observation and has become my very solid opinion). Children grow up much more confident than their counterparts when their mother can drop them off or walk them to school, come and sit on the sidelines to watch and cheer them on during sporting events, and contribute a few pancakes to the bake stands on the “just for fun” days at school. I have personally noted with interest that my eldest never attempted to give me any kisses on any of the many days when I would rush off to work, leaving her finishing off her preparations, or on any of the days when she would rush off with one collar of her school tunic tucked inwards to catch the bus. On the rare occasions I was able to drive her to school and drop her by the school gate, though, if she somehow forgot to give me a peck before exiting the car, she would not fail to immediately turn back to claim what was hers, all the while looking around to see which of her friends or schoolmates had witnessed this beautiful presentation.

As a closet psychologist, I spent many days turning this over in my head. Did she want the other kids to know that she, too, had a mother, proof to some that my mother’s better than your mother, spurring? Further observation revealed that my daughter usually blossomed when I appeared at her school events. A shy smile, excited hugs, and boundless running all around the school yard to show off both to her friends and to me. As if my presence had somehow both freed and secured her at the same time.

Photo Source: Mugabi Owen – unsplash.com

Sickly children clutching onto me desperately as I de-tangle their little fingers with soothing words and hurried frustration, forgotten homework, snapping at the children after emotionally exhausting days at work, we have over the years sacrificed something very valuable as women working outside the home: the complete well-being of our children and families.

In my most humble yet very observant opinion, most women can do things 10x better than men can. And do it with style, flair, and the right motives at that.

We can run companies better (this one has been researched); the few of us who run governments probably do it better; we can build better flying machines to the moon, too, when we really put our minds to it. And though I never particularly enjoyed scaling up cat ladders and diving under gearboxes when I had to, I know many women who particularly enjoy doing just that, are adept at it, and look mighty good while doing it too (usually with 2/3 men trying too hard to concentrate on the stuck valve instead of drooling over the curvaceous hip that fits oh-so-snuggly into the blue overalls).

My mantra: each to his own. Choice is the ultimate freedom that everyone of us has. My desperate advice: if we would like to have our cake and eat it, we will have to bake two, but let’s make sure we don’t leave the other one burning in the oven.

Now, back to an important question: Is our place better at home, in the professional field, or both?

This article was published online by Hearttmenders Magazine in 2024, updated with a new title, and republished in 2026.

Thuso Masikhwa is a former Engineering Manager, Writer, and Entrepreneur. She lives in South Africa with her husband and four daughters. You can reach Thuso at tmasikhwa.bm@gmail.com.