By Rose Ebere | Family Affair Editor

Are there things you can do to enhance your ability to find a loving spouse? Photo credit: Manna From on High

Getting married is a very important subject for everybody, regardless of who you are or your socioeconomic status. This is because we all have an inner desire for companionship. We all enjoy meaningful relationships. We want to be loved, and we have the inbuilt desire to show love to others. Nobody cherishes or wants to be lonely. Meaningful relationships are an antidote to boredom. And when we are sure we have people who really love and care for us around, we tend to cope with failure, losses, negative feelings, and depression better. These voids are what marriage can fill.

In this article, we will consider tips that can help women specifically find a spouse. The need for a matching helping hand cannot be overstated. This is easy to understand because two people can get more tasks done when they combine their efforts than when each handles them alone. And in meaningful marriages, loads or burdens are shared equally, and no one should bear his or her alone in the union.

Real feelings are all about realism and not fantasy. When you find a partner, invest time and energy to discover if you both are compatible, and don’t sweep potential threats or disagreements under the carpet. Try addressing it. If it cannot be addressed during courtship, it may be harder to address after marriage. Photo credit: EJ Insight

It’s understandable that different men had different reasons and standards when they set out to look for a mate. It’s perspicuous that there are cultural and social influences in the things about marriage, and circumstances change from one area to another, but with my experiences, and being a grandmother who has been married for over 45 years to a husband, I believe the tips below can help anyone, irrespective of their background or cultural affiliation.

But then again, we must also take note that how the tips apply to a person might be different from how they apply to another person:

1. Empower yourself with handiwork, trade, or education. The era in which a woman depended on a man for family sustenance may have ended. The economy of today is different from the economy of, say, the past 30 or 40 years. Today’s circumstances have substantially changed. Women who are self-reliant are more likely to attract a mate. A lot of men these days are looking for a woman who will help them shoulder their crunching financial responsibilities. Men love women who are hardworking and focused, who have shown they have a definite goal in life. Most people don’t cherish laziness or idleness. But a lady does not need to be materialistic to show she is hardworking, or to give herself fully to pursuing riches, to prove she is focused. Once a woman shows she can handle responsibilities and take good care of herself, most men would think she would make a better home. Therefore, as a lady, empower yourself with a handwork, trade, or get a better education, and be good at whatever profession you have chosen. Show proficiency in your job.
2.   Empower yourself with housekeeping skills. Women who are better organized and will spontaneously keep their environment or surroundings clean and tidy, whet a man’s appetite to start building a home with them. Good cooking skills are also very welcoming. It has often been said that the way to a man’s heart is usually through his stomach. Almost every man cherishes women who can cook wonderful dishes they love eating. Knowing how to prepare local dishes of your people can be a plus, helping attract a man from your locality for marriage.
3. Being spiritually inclined. Women who are spiritually inclined tend to attract more men from their fold than those who do not show commitment. It does not matter what religion. A lady who shows she is dedicated and more connected to her worship routines tends to attract more men within her religious fold. But she does not need to be fanatical about that. Showing a good sense of and sincerity is more important.
4. Prepare yourself for marriage. It is always easier to get married once you have prepared yourself to settle down and tell yourself you are ready. Once you start thinking about marriage and become serious about it, it becomes easier to spot like-minded men. It is harder to get married when you are still going on multiple dates and are more interested in clubbing and gallivanting. Most men notice it, and they think you are not quite ready to settle down. When a man sees your comportment, which is more of a homely attitude, it can even trigger in them the longing to start building a home with you and finally settle down. Because of the adage that says, birds of a feather flock together, rollicking men who are not thinking about settling down will not be on the same page with you, if you are settled and ready to make a home, as such, they will stay away from you and go find their type of boisterous lady. Thereby giving you the opportunity for more settled men to see you. That is the power of preparing yourself by simply telling yourself you are ready and letting it reflect in your actions.
5. Know that eyes are watching. If you want to marry, always remember, someone, somewhere, might be watching you and observing you. Consequently, what you do matters. Always be the best person you can be, and you might be shocked to find out that even your next-door neighbor might be one of your admirers, secretly watching and harboring feelings for you and waiting for the right time to show up and unbuckle his heart or affection towards you.

Meaningful marriages are lifelong; don’t select a partner in a hurry. Photo credit: unsplash.com

Rose Ebere is a retired headmistress with over 40 years of teaching and counseling experience. A career Guidance and Counselor with a degree in the field from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. And a grandmother, now devoting much of her time to taking care of her grandkids in Nigeria.

Rose Ebere can entertain questions about relationships and parenting challenges. Address such an email with her name: Rose Ebere, to editors@heartmendersmagazine.com.