By Rose Ebere | Family Affair Editor
As a long-term primary school teacher, I have seen bullying firsthand. Bullying is not a new phenomenon. It has been an age-long thing. Bullying comes in different forms or styles. Bullies target not only children or teens. Adults can be, too. Even a country can bully another country. But this article will address bullying of children at school.
Whether the bully or the one being bullied, bullying affects your child. (Empowering Parents Website – Photo Source)
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Kids can bully each other in their neighborhood and elsewhere. But it’s common where kids gather. This is why the school is a predominant setting where it usually occurs.
What is bullying? A parent should be concerned about several reasons why others bully their child. How can a parent discern that their child is being bullied even if the child refuses to talk? Can a parent do anything to get their kids to speak up? Specifically, to tell them if they are being bullied at school?
StopBullying.gov defined, “Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior among school children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.”
(Info About Kids Website, Photo Source) Whether the bully or the one being bullied, bullying affects your child.
Bullying is always intentional. Why should we care?
The stopbullying.gov report continued, “Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious lasting problems.”
Some of the effects of bullying are:
1. It affects a child’s mental health.
2. Distorts or lowers your child’s self-esteem.
3. Causes severe emotional harm and may lead the child to commit suicide.
4. Causes emotional distress.
5. Can make the child become withdrawn and start feeling a sense of loneliness.
6. Anxiety and depression.
The three forms of bullying we often see are:
1. Verbal bullying occurs when the bullying relies primarily on spoken words.
2. Physical Bullying: when the bullying involves physical altercations and assault
3. Relational bullying is a subtle, hard-to-detect form of bullying. It involves a peer slandering another peer in a group. The goal is to gain an advantage or ruin the victim’s reputation.
This type of bullying is customary amongst the youths. This form of bullying can damage someone’s social status. It can ruin their relationships in a group. It is most often observed among adolescent girls. All three forms of bullying can harm a child.
It is vital to find out early if your child is being bullied. The victim, being weaker, cannot help themselves. Only an adult can stop it. Bullying makes the child feel completely helpless.
Most children would choose not to open up and tell their parents or another adult, and would suffer in silence for a long time. This takes a toll on the child’s health and behavior.
It’s vital to pay close attention to your child. It will help you spot any changes in their behavior and know when they are not well.
Some signs, from stopbullying.gov, may indicate your child is being bullied at school:
1. Watch your child returning from school. They may look ruffled, with a torn uniform or scratches. They might struggle to explain how it happened.
2. Be concerned if your child develops a fear of going to school or getting on the school bus. It might suggest to you that a bully is right there on the bus with your child.
3. Watch out if your child comes home very hungry. They took lunch to school. It may be that someone else is bullying their child and eating their meal at school.
4. Be concerned when your child comes home and always runs straight to use the bathroom or toilet. It might suggest they avoid doing it at school. Bullies often target victims in the bathroom and toilet. It keeps their acts hidden from adults and teachers. If attackers targeted such places, they would avoid them. So, they had to run to do it at home every time they came back.
5. Watch for when your child is moody, sad, or anxious for no reason. Be concerned if your child withdraws and isolates themselves without warning.
6. If your child starts losing school items, like a pen and ruler, it’s a sign. Someone may be taking them.
7. Be concerned if your child drops drastically in grades or position in the class. It might be that your child has lost concentration in their studies. A child who is being bullied might have problems concentrating.
8. Be concerned if your child turns into a bully at home or in the neighborhood. They may be beating their younger siblings or neighbors’ kids. It might suggest they also bully someone at school.
Cyberbullying can affect your adolescent children. Detecting all forms of bullying in a timely manner can help you protect them. (Photo Source: Catalyst Physician Group Website).
To get the best of your child, you, as a parent, must always spend time with them. This will help them understand or sense your genuine care for them.
This might be true because we all devote significant time to what matters to us.
Spend time with them alone, reading to them, playing with them, or taking them on trips.
If you show your kids that nothing can come between you and them, they will always turn to you with their problems.
Do not wait until you sense they may need your help before you start showing them you care. They will not be open to tell you when they need any help.
Spending time with them is important. Also, you must be a good communicator. If you want to unlock their hearts, you need to connect with them. If your child sees you as untrustworthy or judgmental, they will suffer in silence rather than speak out, even when bullies target them.
They would question the point in telling you. You’d blame them for anything.
Be a good communicator and always show concern for your child, and they will always open up to you. (Photo Source – Young Minds Website).
In summary, if you want your child to tell you the truth about school and report any bullying, never be too busy for them.
No matter how many children you have, make sure you give each child one-on-one attention. Ensure that each of them feels loved and cared for in the same way.
Make sure you are always approachable to them.
Make them your number one priority over work, hobby, and friends.
Always listen to them, no matter how trivial their message might seem.
Prove their importance by listening to them with patience.
Train and encourage them to speak out. You would see them waste no time unbuckling their little minds before you. They would inform you when they spot a bully, even at school.
No matter how many children you have, make sure you give each child one-on-one attention. Ensure that each of them feels loved and cared for in the same way.
Mrs. Rose Ebere is a retired headmistress. She has over 40 years of teaching and counseling experience. She taught and counseled primary school pupils and their parents for 35 years. Her career included serving as head of two large public primary schools at different times. She has an Associate Certificate in Education and a B.Ed. in Guidance and Counseling from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. She is a grandmother. She now spends a lot of time caring for her grandkids. She also does some counseling as a hobby. You can contact her at editors@heartmendersmagazine.com.